alright..

woah.


don't feel like blogging coz i was in the process of making myself feel better =)

today was the quarter final round for BAS! I didn't make it through to the next round (TONG DID! =D), and no videos to post! haha sad right, coz LTA only bothered to help tong take. nv take for me. Good lor. Haha. Anw, yup. If you want me to explain/justify why I didn't make it in, I have several thousand reasons for you, but these are all not important. Haha. Excuses excuses. I know why can liao =)

What I really wanted to blog about was what happened after I didn't make it in. This part kinda links to something I wanted to blog abt awhile back... Well anw, after the thingy right, when I was in the cab on my way home, tong msged - "hey.. u go home and have a gd rest k? dun take tis competition too seriously..we all know tat u have a gd voice.. u were just too nervous. try again next time k! :)"

Haha. damn surprising to see something so nice from tong la. It's v rare! Lol. Though I'm kinda suspicious whether the msg really came from her or is someone else help her compose one.. Lol. But really, that was kinda what i needed =) I needed some validation and justification about myself, especially about the singing bit. The last time I wanted to blog about this was because i was getting more and more demoralized abt my singing on the whole. Haha. It's like, when I ask people for comments abt my performances or what right, (by people I mean the ppl who i ASK, typically sitong or tai an etc, ppl who have some experience..?) it's like as if i'm asking them "please pick out all the faults in my singing".

Not that I don't wanna hear the criticisms, but i mean, can there be some balance in the first place? All the feedback I'm getting makes me feel as if I should just shut up and stop singing. It's like, when ppl like val, siying and random strangers compliment me on my singing, i'll feel happy for awhile until like, i get the feedback from the other ppl (whom i ask) and I'll just feel super deflated etc.

Imagine la ok, you ask someone about how you did in a certain presentation or sth. Here are two examples, tell me which one makes u feel better:

A) Hmm i think you spoke too monotonously and it was quite boring for the readers lor. Must sometimes make eye contact.

B) Hmm, I think maybe you can improve on your expression coz sometimes come across a bit monotonous la, then try to make eye contact. But apart from that I think your pronunciation was damn good, and your points all made sense lor =)

Give me I'll choose B lor.

I mean, even when I was teaching in the sec sch and had to do the report book remarks abt my form class right, we had to talk about ONE good thing AND one bad thing lor.

Oh wells. Dunno why my friends think it's not necessary to compliment me. Thank goodness for ppl like ann and val, who'll say nice things. oh and arh ben, haha. Siying also, but usually for aspects like character, singing, etc haha. Ann val and arh ben do the " you look great today" or "you sounded really nice" etc thing.

Anyways, yes. I also know why my friends don't compliment me much.
A) not much to compliment abt
B) I don't respond well

Now, about part B - I really can't respond properly to compliments unless it's abt stuff I'd showed off abt in the first place. Yah. So don't over-compliment me, if you want to. Just a bit will do. But increasing frequency of compliments can definitely help improve my self esteem n confidence. Wahaha. Ok anw


So after the competition ppl came around to hug me etc. Lol. Oh yah, the contestants were fun to mix with =) Ok then anw val and I left first and had a bit of a chat in the cab =) Miss chatting wit ya!!!! Yay movie on Nat'l Day =) Can't wait

Yah so anw, i was really ok at first, coz just kinda relieved that the whole thing is over. To be honest, lol, i was already telling tong about a week before the thingy that I really wanted to just give up, it was so tiring. But anw, yah. Then I was so fucking busy the past week that I didn't have time to think abt anything but work - so no time to stress out abt competition. So this aftnn (thursday aftnn) after we finally finished our COM report in sch and I was making my way home, the stress attack hit me like nobody's business! It's like the stress that had been accumulating the whole week/month hit me like a bulldozer. Gosh.

Anyways, that aside, after val got off the cab, i got tong's msg, then was quite (ok la, VERY) touched lor. Coz tong has not, in at least 2 years, said anything nice about my voice. SERIOUSLY. So i was super shocked. Then was kinda choking up when arh ben called. Then the silly guy kept apologizing (IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!) and being nice and all.. Tell you, I really almost just cried there - if not for the fact tt my fake eyelashes would fall into my eyes, i would have just let the tears fall. Then arh ben decided he was going to start planning a "party" to celebrate the fact that I had gotten that far in the first place. Lol. Thanks ben. I'm looking forward to it! Haha.

So super gan3 dong4.

Special special thanks to:
CAME - really really really appreciate you guys being there! Really. Super gan dong. I'm damn glad that you all were there la. I don't know how else to say this, but it really meant a whole lot to me =) Thanks babes (and des. haha)

MESC - haha. eu&gas and mich&ja turned up. Thanks guys, though i kinda have this feeling it's more for tong. haha

Val - thanks babe. you know i appreciate it =)

Arh Ben - i'm sorry you looked/felt/were so left out! But i'm still so super glad that you turned up and cheered so loudly somemore =) Thanks!!! And really, it wasn't your fault. At least you cheered! =) Thanks man!

Suyee, Tingfeng, Tai An and Jerry - esprimereans who turned up to support - i was really surprised that suyee and tf came down.. Didn't know initially mah. Thanks darlings =)

Siying, Edna, and all others who wanted to but could not come down - thanks anyway =) appreciate it.


Yah well ok i'll go back to my feel-good movie watching again! I'm feeling alright people. I have good friends. *feels loved=)*

<3