fuck shasha

sha sha. bitch. hahaha.

RESULTS ARE OUT

My grades suck. Only UGC not out yet. But my grades still suck. Since i keep skipping tests, lects and handing up hwk late, i did pretty badly =( Surprise though, I got 2 A-s instead of just one. That's A Minuses. Sigh. Yarndink and I are pretty upset abt the Aminus for CSE =( Boo.

Anyways. Haha. Just had a VERY INTERESTING STORY REVEALED TO ME. Several parties are about to die by firing squad very soon. Some fucker is about to get barbecued by me, once I can get my hands on him. FUCKER! Hmph. Just you wait.


Ah wells. Interest levels are fluctuating!


Grr. Dunno what to write now. Am really kinda mad. Blog more later.

heh heh heh

i really ought to get to sleep soon!

anyways, just posted up one of my old poems on fictionpress and promptly got 3 responses that are enthused wit praise. Am pleased =) It's nice to get recognition for your work =) It doesn't necessarily keep me writing (because I'll write anyway) but it does make me very happy=) If you guys wanna see my stuff on fictionpress the url is http://www.fictionpress.com/~hollowmimicry heh. Do R/R if you see it =)

I'm gonna do a new fic altogether. Perhaps based on the ballerina one =)


Anyways, onward with today's blog!

Morn: Tong came over to my house wit breakfast and then we chatted and slacked around watching old-school cartoons till 1230nn (Winx Club! Justice League! Pokemon! Wo0t!!!) then went to Teru's house for the very-set-up game of bball.(Met val before tt then she went to join us. Quite obviously she went to check out my "new target" right. Hahaha) Haha. All in all it was fun la =) OK, Suyee and Teru and Tong - i had fun OK. So yah. Stop asking. Hahas. Interest can grow and decrease. We'll see how it goes. Hahaha. Then after the games we went up to Teru's house, slacked around and chatted and all. It was really fun =)

Late Aftnn: Tong and Val came over to my house and we got down to planning our Xmas party!!! Our guest list actually spanned to about 65 ppl at first but I was forced to ruthlessly reduce my no of friends so.. Now we're only inviting about 30 ppl.. Yepps. Theme-and-game-ideas-generating was really fun! Hahahas.

Evening: Val left first then tong and I had dinner at my place, then we left to meet suyee and peiwen at PS... Wanted to go to this place to play Board Games (it's actually a pub wit free board games to play) but they were closed coz someone had booked the whole place... Good lor.. So we ended up going to Hark Music School Cafe where Tong and I almost took part in the live singing competition going on... But never la.. Coz scared not enough time lol. In the end, we totally should have la. The singers were really quite bad, and the so-called judge/teacher's comments super unprofessional. No standard. Haha. We wlda won so too bad. Hahas. Then hung and chatted and all. Heh. It was great fun=) Took photos wit the P!nk Xmas tree at The Cathay!! Hahahas.


Aaaanyways.. after much persuasion from suyee and peiwen... I'm gonna succumb and go wit them to the silly SIM-UOL Bash.. Wah liao eh, like PROM like tt la. KNS. I only offered to help them wit makeup! Grrr. My ticket better be waived arh!! Haha. Suyee! Do you see this!! Hahaha. But what really suckered me into going was the stupid venue - MOS! Wahaha. Me and MOS, we have this affinity going on le. Hahaha.


Haha. All's fun, all's fun =)


Special note to YOU-KNOW-WHO-YOU-ARE: the entry you're supposed to read is not on this page anymore. Check the archives for this month and read the one that's titled "no no not now".


Ciao all =) Love (is a happy thing, when it's simple and uncomplicated!)

the seasons escape you

hahaha. it's actually Thursday lehh... Boo..

Anyways.. Today was.. An ok day all in all? Haha. A not bad day. Hah. Talkin to val on phone now.. Blog more later k! Heh

song appreciation!

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Oh boy
Baby….
Oh no no no, touch me like that
Ohh my god, baby, no, no, no, no, no


Go slow, you just don’t know
What I’d do to you
If the situation were different

It’s beat and go (go)
We’d be on this floor, it’d be on for sure
It’s too bad that we can’t


You make me wanna do, something I’d never do (never do)
Wanna go there with you (with you)
All the way there (there), touch me there (there), take me there with you (there with you)
Boy I’m scared of you
Nothing compares to you
I’m not prepared to do it


So I can’t love you (right now)
Like I want to (right now)
He just can’t do it
And it’s taking everything in me
I want to (right now)
No I want to (right now)
It’s this one rule
(And it’s keeping me from giving you my love)



I must admit
Baby ooh your kiss
It’s taking my mind
To places that my body’s never seen before
Makin’ me wantin’ more

I know you hopin’ that I
Filled a little, give a little more (yeah)


You make me wanna do, something I’d never do (never do)
Wanna go there with you (with you)
All the way there (there), touch me there (there), take me there with you (there with you)
Boy I’m scared of you 
Nothing compares to you
I’m prepared to do it


So I can’t love you (right now)
Like I want to (right now)
You just can’t do it
And it’s taking everything in me
I want you (right now)
No I want to (right now)
But it’s this one rule
(And it’s keeping me from giving you my love)


Wanna go all the way
We got a plane to save
Hey, Hey
(So you just cant have my love)



So I can’t love you (right now)
Like I want to (right now)
We just can’t do it
And it’s taking everything in me
Know that I want to (right now)
But I can’t love you (right now)
I want to
(And it’s keeping me from giving you my love)


Ooh right there right there
Touch me there, right there
ooh there, there
Right there, right there
Ooh, no
Right there, right there
No, right there, right there, right there 

Right Now - Danity Kane

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Ah yes. Apart from the intro and the outro, that's a nice song guys. Italicized parts are especially significant. Speaking of songs, I'm thinking of compiling and/or mixing my own club dance track! I know of so many great clubbing songs that never made it to the local airwaves or clubs and it's such a waste to just let them rot in "never-heard-dom"! Hahas. So once i compile the list of songs i'm gonna mix I'll put it up here. Haha. But I dunno if i'll really mix la. I haven't any good base tracks to mix with. I'll probs just compile cds. Haha

So anw. I've recently discovered that I've become a commitment phobe!

YAHH~~ I mean, so weird right?? I was always the one with the fairy-tale wedding fantasy thing and now i'm the committment phobe! That's like, so weird. It's like, coz i just feel that, at this point in my life, if i suddenly get attached, i dunno, i'd feel odd. Like, i won't know how to face the many other people I've declared to like, y'know? It'd just be weird.

This whole committment phobe thing started early this year when talking to some of my attached friends about them deciding that the guys they were with were the people they'd like to marry eventually. Gah! I really got a huge shock and couldn't imagine staying with one person for so long. hah.


Of course if i met the right person I'd be all for committment. I dunno. Haha. Eh needa make the deadline now so blog this part first! LOL.

literary appreciation

this is gonna be one heck of a texty blog entry =)

was looking at all my unfinished prose and decided to post them up lol. Starting from the oldest!!

People who have been faithfully reading my blog since JC times at least (hey i started blogging since Sec 1 ok!) will remember(i hope) that I ever embarked on this great journey to start writing a novel!! Wahaha. Fruitful endeavour THAT turned out to be.. Anyways, during the heydays of my amazing aspiration, I wrote about 800 words for the first chapter and some words for the final chapter.. And i'm gonna share the final chapter wit you guys here =)

Story goes like this - the novel was supposed to be a semi-biographical novel so it was very much about the lives of myself and my friends then. So obviously melvin was gonna play a big part in it right? Wahaha. I'd changed everyone's names though. Anw, the story (the bit abt me and him) was about the same as it had happened in real life (up until J1 wit the stupid song thing) and I'd decided to write out my own ending. This was written in end of J1 year yea so immaturity kinda prevails lol. So the ending was gonna be that after all the hussle and blah of hectic j1 life (i know - hectic??), my unhealthy diet choices had taken a toll on my kidneys and I'd undergone a massive kidney operation (hey, this cld happen to me in real life too k, val agrees lol). Melvin's character in the story, Michael, finds out and decides to pay me a visit. After a lot of talk we'll both realise that we can't be together. WAHAHAHA. So fucking true to life k. Anyways, here goes. I haven't finished the chapt yet but this is all I have at the mo. If you guys want me to continue it -- MAYBE I WILL! Hahahaha.

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OTL - Ending

In the hushed silence of the ward, his footsteps sounded like thunder on a cloudless day. Michael began to mentally rehearse what he was going to say, silently cursing himself for not having prepared his speech earlier. The sun of dusk shone in through the window and illuminated the dancing dust particles, a swirling tango of confusion. He paused in the middle of the room, hesitating. The bouquet in his hands seemed inappropriate for the occasion. They were unsuitable, too… Too large. And too gay. The flowers were too brightly colored. In the sepia all around him, they stood out starkly like neon lights in a Victorian church. A little further from where he was standing, Michael detected a muffled stirring. She was waking! With as much dignity as he could muster, he quickly made his way to her bedside and was surprised to find that she was alone, and fast asleep. Breathing an inaudible sigh of relief, he looked around to see if there was a sign of a visitor anywhere. Finding nothing, he settled quietly into the plastic white chair beside her bed.

Stray strands of hair sprouted around her pale face, framing it in a vulnerable, endearing manner. Looking at her, once strong and lively, now disheveled and weak, his heart ached and he shuddered involuntarily. He loved her, he realized. He really did. He wanted to reach out and hold her close to him, to make her pain go away. He wanted her to know, but he could not tell her.

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I know. Fucking cheesy right?? Wahahaha but i just showed it to val and she said it's very beautiful so I was so happy I decided to share it here lol. So, do you guys appreciate my use of Third Person Interior Monologue? Hahahaha. I kinda loved it.



Heh. Next piece of prose to share wit you guys is a piece I wrote when I was feeling very very emotional and all. This piece I let my Lit and GP Tutor Mr. Dio look through and he had pretty good comments about it. Hee. Kinda pleased. But as usual i didn't complete it. It was just something I had to do - writing to get my feelings out. This piece of prose had absolutely no point to it. Just enjoy. Hahahah
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Cap prose

I felt a sudden urge to feel vaguely Jay-Chou-esque and am now wearing a cap. In my room. My parents voiced their concerns for my sanity and I must say, their worries are unfounded. My sanity is intact, bundled together with my sharp wit and intelligence, sitting right under this cap. I have decided it might make a good fashion accessory, serving the dual purpose of hiding my face as well as giving the impression that I have fashionable hair. (I just looked in the mirror – very trendy. A “trucker” kind of feeling. Pity the cap screams some Chinese words about some dragon boat rowing competition). Ironically, the song that’s playing out of my Windows Media Player right now is “Going Crazy” by Natalie. How apt.

I am, indeed, going crazy. Not insane, no, it’s a sort of craziness that is driving me mad, demanding the attention of my attention. This cap has the helpful effect of pushing everything down, enabling me to sit down and write this. When I try to visualize what is going on in my head, I see a landslide. Lots of mud, rubbish and slime tumbling down and all around. I watch as it all whirls around in a violent outpouring of thought and emotion, as it takes on an aggressive nature, as it morphs into a ferocious rage. The observer in me sits back, and observes. My mind develops wanderlust and explores all sorts of hostile territories, while being unwittingly tailed by the ferocious rage. Like Hansel and Gretel, the mind happily leaves a trail behind to aid it in finding the way back to safe ground later, not knowing that the ferocious rage is devouring the breadcrumbs. My mind goes round in circles, haplessly revisiting the past hostile territories, unable to find a way out without the indicators back to safety and sanity. Bit by bit, hopelessness overcomes my mind and she is caught up in the ferocious rage, overwhelmed by its savage power. The rage eats up everything in sight, tainting happy memories and scarring them while bringing forth the unhappy, angry recollections that were buried so deep and so long ago. Outside the cap, my face is a picture of nonchalance, the fire in my eyes the only indicator of my inner turmoil.

Not too long ago this rage had only just been quelled and driven to exile in a deep corner of my heart. More recently, new emotions, hope and joy, had welled up to cover my heart in a warm chocolatey liquid. However, a single small action I noticed just yesterday unlocked the cage of the beast

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Reading it reminded me of what triggered this piece of prose. Haha. YAH. It was him again! I admit it k! Hahaha. Anyways, this time round I chose to use First Person Stream of Consciousness. Not bad eh? Hah. But i think i prefer Interior Monologue. It's cleaner.



Next up would be my most recent piece of writing - a bit of prose written during Psy Lecture sometime ago. I was bored and felt the need to just write and write. So i constructed a quick scenario on the spot and wrote it out! It's also unfinished lol, but hey, i think it's pretty cool.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballerina Thingy

setting: ballet concert

characters: dancer(solo), audience including a man(the lover of the solo dancer) and his wife.

story: the man goes with his wife to a concert coz the latter wants to watch it, and he doesn't know that the star of the performance is his lover. his wife doesn't know abt his infidelity and the dancer doesn't know he has a wife

STORY:

The darkness lifts and a hush settles over the audience. Specks of dust dance in the beams of golden light, a graceful, silent sideshow to the twirling ballerina onstage. As the violins serenade the audience, she dances to their song; one, two three, twirl, two three – a romantic minuet. She and the stage are one; she knows every creak it makes, where she should avoid. In return, it caresses her feet, embraces her when she falls to it. When they are torn apart by her jumps, they inevitably reconcile – each cannot do without the other For the stage is adorned by her grace, beautified by her glory and she derives, from the stage, an abundance of energy and the courage to exhibit her deft beauty.

Onstage, she is lost in her world, the dust forming swans and gazelles, joining her in the slow tribute to a fantasy prince. Her eyes closed, her mouth open in a joyful smile, she throws her arms wide open, embracing all that is around her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Haha. This is Third Person Omniscient narrative. Goodness. Can you guys tell I miss Lit? Hahahahaha.



Anyways. Have been reading(like i mentioned earlier, duh) and came across something that resonates with me soundly. The book is "Lost & Found" b y Jane Sigaloff and the part that I agree a lot with goes like this:

"It's not about need. And I'm not about to do helpless female either. All I'm saying is that it would just be refreshing to occasionally meet people who are interested in getting to know me rather than my mattress. Who want to just date and see. It's starting to feel like it's the men who are dying to settle down, get married and start having children in their early thirties. Getting to know someone becomes a timed challenge, and for some reason if you're a single female most men presume you must be gagging for sex, if not a husband."

Also

"'I don't think I'm that unusual. Of course, it may be that I've set my standards too high.'

She knew the feeling. 'Most people compromise.'

'You think?'

'Definitely. No one wants to be the last one picked for the team. But I'm not interested in being someone's spur of the moment, this-one'll-do decision.'"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Italicized words are parts I particularly agree with.


All right. Lots of thoughts for you guys to reflect on already. Heh. I'll blog more soon. Hahas. Event-blog will resume soon! =) Ciao guys!

a nice release

ahhh.. this is the life...

i think i'm just a bummer at heart =) today has been the most relaxing day i've had in ages and i'm totally enjoying it=D I know there are people who can't stand not having anything to do, but i tell ya, having nothing to do has got to be the best feeling in the world. For once, I don't have to go anywhere, i can just stay at home and get wasted =))

i'm still aching in some places and suffering a bad sore throat but hey - life's good and i have nowhere to go! I can just curl up in bed with a good book(which I'll be doing later) and read till kingdom come!! Haha. Many times I just wish I wasn't so busy - meeting my various friends, work, running errands, going to school etc. Maybe that's why I try to have as little committments as possible. As it is I already have several committments - church, tuition, cca etc. I really wanna do more stuff like take up French lessons or go with Val for latin dance lessons but to be honest, I'm really sure I can't afford the time.

Oh wells. Slacking is really my kinda life =) Enjoy it while it lasts=))
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On a sadder note - I tried to reach out to *you yesterday in an effort to revive our friendship. But you haven't replied. Either you're overseas, or my message wasn't compelling/important enough for you to respond. Spoke to Linz ytd (wheeeee love ya lin! =D) about this too and I guess now I see why she gave up on the friendship with you. Don't make me give up girl. I don't want to give up on you, but I'm getting there.
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Haha. People whom I've talked to about MILKSHAKE have decided that I was too drunk that night and have labelled me bitch la, crazy la, slut la, gone la etc. Hahahahaha. Whatever! It was fun! It's nice that Lin came to talk to me on msn =)) Really have missed ya a lot girl!!!

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Sad tt I didn't get to meet up wit Ann at MILKSHAKE. Haha. We kept making plans to meet at the toilet but cldn't so too bad. Anw, ann's the best =) She wrote me an uber sweet testimonial, I was so touched! Haha. And oh yah, there's a UB SUNY Friendster account for those who want to add it! It's uni.at.buffalo@gmail.com wahaha. I dunno who set it up but I've added it already! It seems relatively new tho, no friends yet LOL.

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Silly stupid suyee decided to post up one entry on her blog all for/about me. Wahahaha. Since it's so short I'll copy and paste it here:

Monday, December 11, 2006

yes yes i love cherlynn! :D
AND I CAN TELL HER FORTUNE!
LOL.
she can anticipate meeting her prince charming on thursday.
and spending a romantic evening with him.
whee! :b

sy- : 10:24 AM

WTF!!!! Damn freaking scary. I tell y'all, I am very NOT looking forward to this Thursday at all. It feels like a set-up K! Silly esprimere people. Hahahaha. I tell ya, I know I'm going to look like a tomato the whole of Thursday already. VERY UNGLAM CAN!!!

Hahas. Anw, I LOVE YOU TOO SUYEE =) Hee.


Till the next time guys, ciao! =* (muahs!)

aches and pains...

hahas. i tell ya, i'm aching in places i never knew existed. haha. my thigh muscles are so tight you cld snap them with a toothpick. serious! i tell ya, sometimes i dislike being tall. various reasons include:

a) you have to exert more strength when going down on your shorter girlfriends
b) easier for guys to touch your ass lol. they dun need to bend down so much
c) short singaporean guys!

hahahahas. the party ytd was quite good =) just really squeezy sweaty and hot!!! my poor little toenail and poor all my toes. Kenna step until they turn black le.

suddenly realised tt quite a lot of ppl were there haha. Favian was there then saw queue then zao. William was there and had to pay to enter. Kor was supposed to join us but we cldn't get him and his friend in through vip as well so he zaoed. Oh and ashton almost went haha. Teru also wanted to go lol. Wah i tell ya, the girl-guy ratio, as i'd mentioned earlier, was really quite bad

Anw, was a fun night all in all.. Lots of stuff happened that i simply refuse to blog abt lol. My shui and I really enjoyed ourselves =) Kept trying to meet up wit ann but failed to =( boo. Anw, by the time we finally got on the cab it was 730am lah!! MOS decided to open till 530 tt day coz the party was just too good lol then we left at around tt time or slightly later, then eat breakfast then cab. Xiao eh.

I'm so shagged. My thighs feel like can't operate anymore lol. Will blog more abt this tml i guess. Am so tired and braindrained. So i'll gush more tml. Hah. Ciao bellas!

yo y'all!!!

hehehe i'm at my darling shui's place now =) whee~~ staying over again heh

GOING TO MILKSHAKE LATER!!!!! So sad mich can't come... But ann and des are goin too! Me and shui are gonna les our way through lol. Kor may or may not be going lol. WHEEEEE. MILKSHAKE MILKSHAKE AT MOS


The exams are over y'all! UGC 100 MCQs was damn funny - the options were hilarious! And guess what our last qn was:

100) Now that you've completed your ugc111 course, you are:
a) much smarter
b) much happier
c) at peace with the world
d) you're free, you're free, thank god you're free at last
e) all of the above


WAHAHAHAHAHA funny eh? I chose E. Wahahaha


It's been a weird couple of days.. All thanks to silly tong and her big mouth and our posse of big-mouthed friends!!! WTF. Now my so-called new target....ARGH!! Yes, people, there are updates, but it's really weird coz I DID say i wasn't very serious about it!!! Now looks like i have to seriously consider it?? WTF. Haha. Ok la.

Just as I decided to really try this out, i happily saw Melvin at Boon Lay Interchange just now on my way here. Fuck it. Hahahaha. Hmm.. Judging from my response, i don't think all is well. Nope... Not well... Suyee thinks i needa clear up the thing wit him before i move on with the other thing but... I DUNNO. I don't think theres's a need to clear anything up. Coz there's nothing to clear up!!! Grr Haha.


Anws, ytd after exams went out wit my darl CAME babes!!!!!! Hee. Oh and des came along lol. It was great mann. I love my CAME so so so much =) We had lots of fun over dinner, then taking stupid photos, then walkin ard then going Labyrinth for drinks. But i didn't go coz I didn't know how late it was liao la!!! We were about to go liao then I asked what time it was then they said 11. I was like WHAT??? Haha. Had ta go home early coz didn't have $$$ then needed to take train so must catch the last train!! Hahas. So by the time i got on the train was 1130.. Got home pretty late. Then talked to Val and Suyee on the phone (one after the other) until 430?!?!?! Then went to bathe, then played game on comp, then blow-dried my hair and went to sleep le. Hahas.

I LOVE MY VARIOUS DARLS - CAME, Shui, Val, Tong, Suyee, Mich!!! Wheeee.. Love y'all lots =)


Freedom days are here guys! =)

ultimatum

yupps. feel so happy today! heh. the worst of the exams are over. though i screwed up pretty badly for my prev assignments and all, i feel better on the whole now. I'm very displeased wit the grades i expect to get this sem - ABBBB around there. Wasted my two As on UGC and ESL by not attending classes and missing a test for the former and not attending classes and not handing up my final essay for the latter. SIGH. If not these 2 got A liao =(

PSY - expecting around B- or C. Maybe even C-. Definitely my worst subject
COMMS - wooh the exam was not bad =) Studying comms for exam is relatively easy after all! Easier than psy definitely. The best part was the movies and shows. Heh. It's like lit all over again. Shd be a B due to my sucky essay and B for my verycompetent presentation. Exam... Not sure.. hopefully A but most likely B..

Studied quite hard ytd.. Heh. For comms. Once i opened my psy text ytd at about 4am, I knew i was doomed. It wasn't my text!!! Hah. Bad consequences of borrowing ashton's locker and then all the books inside get mixed up. Haha which reminds me. I asked Andrew (ashton's locker mate) about it today and he cracked a funny joke about ashton sharing the locker with some other woman. HAhahahahahah. Who knew he had a sense of humour? Lol. Kidding. Sigh. So anw, looked at the very well highlighted book and missed my squeaky clean one so couldn't study at all (coz i study by highlighting! Then how to highlight over highlighted parts plus i din wanna highlight other people's book) Yea.

I went to sleep at 11pm, woke at 2am to mug and then went to sleep at 6+am then woke up at 8+am... Hah. Amazing right, that I managed to wake at 2?? Haha. Coz my silly student from the-sch-i-used-to-teach-at called me up, then i kept cutting his call but he kept calling, then when I answered i was so confused abt who he was etc so i hung up, then he just kept calling and calling until i msged him and realised who he was, then he called again LOL. So yea. That really woke me up. Haha. They just wanted to meet me btw. At freaking 2am.. Hahahaha. Coz they were around my house la haha. But anw thanks to greg's incessant calls I woke up on time to study and managed to complete a fair bit. Hah.

Past few days.. Hmm... I last blogged on Tuesday right? Well Wednesday was good man. I basically woke up earlier than usual, at abt 12nn, then watched both Erin Brockovich and Bridget Jones 2 for exams.. Then slacked around and studied comms. And yea. Studied comms throughout till 4am switched to psy then switched back to comms. Then today exam lor. Haha. So that's it. Story of my life.


Prisonbreak rocks and so does Bridget Jones' Diary haha. I think Mark Darcy is so so so sweet, even if he is a bit ugly. Erin Brockovich was something different though. Didn't expect to like it, but i kinda did! Haha.


Last paper tml! UGC haha. I'm more relieved now coz I know some of the ugc stuff already since we had to prepare those essays.. And it's just MCQs tml coz we'd already done the essays heh. But... 100 MCQs!!!



Ayes. Off to study now =) Ciao guys!

no no no, not now!

sigh. i'm too distracted. After bathing i read a book, went online, checked mail, read blogs etc. Wrote many testimonials. And I've come to a sad conclusion.


Oh but first up: Girls Out Loud -- Definitely NOT good enough for me to re-instate Monday nights as TV nights. Nip/Tuck may be nice, but not compelling enough for me, and I love Rozz but her co-host just doesn't cut it for me. Nice concept but a bit overdone yah.


So. My sad conclusion:

Some friends you love with all your heart - and they love you back the same
Some friends you don't love as much as you ought to -but they love you a heck of a lot
Some friends you love with all your heart - and you're one of many on their list.


I think only V will know who I'm talking about. And she herself knows too. I'm not pissed with you. Just sad. I love you a lot as a friend because you taught me self-worth, you are great company and (i thought) you enjoyed my company too plus love me as a friend. I guess I thought wrong.

It's like a constant fight to be in your favour if I even want to hang out with you. Even if we talked about this before, and you did endeavour to be less like this, the endeavour failed and we're back to square one. All the issues we brought up before, like the substitute issue, the pang-seh issue, the don't care issue. Maintaining a friendship with you is like trying to get a guy. It's like a friggin BGR. I've got to wait for you to come to me, and act like i don't care much for your company or sth. It's like, afraid that trying to reach out to you too much will earn myself the label "clingy".


Maybe tt's why we lost Lin. Because out of the 3 of us only I made the effort to keep in touch with her. Because out of the 3 of us, 2 of us saw her as a friend and only 1 of these 2 made the effort to maintain that friendship. That 1 person is me.

So now the 5 of us have been reduced to 2 - me and val. It shouldn't have been like this you know. It's nobody's fault but our own. We couldn't be bothered. And now we're just superficial friends. I don't know about you, but I think it's a waste.


You see that thing on the right? The small blurb about me? You need to EARN the right to call me CHER (ie the right to be my friend) but you can easily lose it. The "you" here is in general.



Maybe i'm only writing this coz I miss you so much. But it sucks that everytime you come to find me it's because you need help with something. ONLY because you need help with something. Sure, you'll come on special occasions too, like birthdays and concerts and competitions etc. And i won't deny you've helped me a lot with schoolwork. But the meetups we had without val, those where you needed to talk? After awhile, or actually, upon reflection, I know that if you hadn't gotten to know X through Val, we wouldn't have met up so often. If X were just some other person in your life, I wonder if I'd have gotten to know about it at all. Your list is like the stock market and I never tried fighting to get higher on that list. Because I know there's no point.



And i know you don't miss me at all.

revelations

gastric


so that's what's been plaguing my stomach the past 2 weeks. hah. funny. at least i feel better now, after the medicine


been madly obssessed over prisonbreak! wentywentywenty hee


went out for lunch wit val ytd then went church to do reading. yea. heh.

anws, in "i got something new" news... bought new shorts wit val.. new ring.. and my dad bought me a new hard drive - 320gig! Hah. I think it'll last forever, but then again, I also thought my 40gig hard drive (the one u all know so well) would last forever too but look how full it is now. But 320 gig is really good. Only thing is, this hard drive isn't very portable, so i'll be bringing my 40gig-er around and then dumping everything into the 320gig one.

been spending my days trying to find out how prisonbreak season 2 goes. I've already read the recaps and synopses of all the 13 episodes available right now of Season 2. Haha. Told ya i'm obssessed. Grr.

and guess what. i just found out today that UGC ESSAYS FOR FINAL EXAM ARE DUE TOMORROW. What the!? Thanks arh. Thanks. I haven't even started on ONE. AAAAAND ESL Portfolio due tml. Gotta write up some stupid coverpage and finish up my final draft for the final essay. Basically means that i have to finish up 4 essays tonight. Brilliant. Just brilliant.

Alrighty I'm gonna bathe now, then watch Girls out Loud, then pia all of this! Needa get some work done MANN. If any UB mates are reading this, do tell me what time we have to be in sch tml? Thanks =)



I have so much to say
Wenz: I'll be here for you babe =)

lol

hahas. just decided to blog again.


COZ I NEED TO PUSH THE PICS DOWN!


I need to catch a movie. Soon. I WANNA WATCH HAPPY FEET PEOPLE!!! AND A HORROR MOVIE SOON! I'm DYING!!


Ghost whisperer was not bad! Hee. Season finale soon. Soon i'll have no more tv nights. Let's hope Girls Out Loud (wit Rosalyn and Xiaxue) will be good and worth it enough for me to reinstate Monday nights as TV Nights since Grey's Anatomy is no more and ANTM is boom too. Hah. Survivor was great =)

I LOVE AITU AITU AITU! Hee. Hot people galore but I support the becky and yul gang ALL THE WAY! WIT ALL MY HEART! Too bad i checked the site and Brad is gone =( Oh and yah, the Brad that i mentioned on my msn nick awhile back tt got so many of you curious? He's a hottie from survivor. Haha. Asian hottie. But a bit gay. In fact, i think he's gay la. He's a fashion designer hee.

But he's cute! Hah.

Alrighty gtg now. Sleep! Sleep! Hee.

wheee

dang

today woke up at 3+pm. Then went for tuition, after tt played uno wit the kids for awhile then went home. and am blogging now. Madness hah.


Since i'm so free (bathe liao and gonna watch Ghost Whisperer later!) might as well blog abt the concert ytd. Hah. First up, photos!!

(mannn... it's like 1:36am now la.. And i still gotta upload the photos but must wait damn freaking long coz uploading freaking LIMTAIAN's video to my server so he can donwlaod later!! Hais. Haha. So wait for awhile while i upload the pics.)

Alrighty here we are!

Yupps. Doesn't tong look fantastic? Wheee. Hee. And the target thing... You all dun get too excited la. I said it's a small thing. If got progress will update you all. Wahahahaha. Yah right.

Alrighty am tired. Gonna prisonbreak wit RAHRAHYOUGETTHEDRIFTETC tml! hee. can't wait. alrighty ciao guys!

ahhhh!!

hahas. must make the deadline! Haha. i'm bloggin daily yea


So anws, just came back frm the Vivace concert held by UOL SIM. Haha. Was a good event overall so Kudos to joseph and liwen and gang!! =) (Mannn, i'm infused with Joseph's perfume... Bvlgari pour homme. Wo0t!! Hahahas) Oh and the solo backstage+sound control guy Teck Sheng (aka Took Shing[coz he can't pronounce my name]) hahahaha freaking hilarious. So anws, tong and daryl won the duet section, which i totally expected. I screamed my sore throat hoarse for em!! Haha. I'm the best fan in the world man. Totally threw all my face away for tong la!!! Haha. And silas and I just screamed, took photos all night long. Kudos to Gas for turning up too!! Eunice, your boyfriend is becoming a replica of you mann!! Haha. But really, it's good tt Gas turned up to support tong haha.

I know, I'm so high right? Coz I. HAVE A NEW TARGET!!!!!!! Hahahahahaha. Of course, it's just a passing thing, but hey, life has reason! Hahahaha. Honestly it's just a small thing... But hahahas at least it's a nice diversion.


Woke up at 9+ today when tong called.. She came to my house, bought breakfast for me, then I did her makeup etc for her. Wo0t am so so so SOOOOO pleased wit my masterpiece =) Though she was already very well-crafted to begin with haha. Everyone was like tong so pretty! So girly! but so pretty! You should wear like this more often etc.. Hahaha then i was at her side bowing and bowing!!! And ppl liked her makeup K!!! I'm good, I'm good~~ RAAAAHHH!! Hahahah. Coz i picked her clothes, told her to get a nice hairband, did her makeup etc. I'm good, I'm good I'm good. Y'know it i'm good. I have ppl queuing for my services already mann!! Haha. I'm good i'm good i'm good!! Hahaha


Then went to sch to meet RAHRAHPRIYABANGBANGBOOBOOYOUGETTHEDRIFT to watch PRISONBREAK for our comms exam. Hah. Thought I wouldn't like the show but I LURVE IT TO BITS!!!! WENTWORTH MILLER WENTWORTH MILLER I LUB YOU SOOOOO!!! Hahahahahahahah. Sth's wrong man. I'm mad. Haha. But the show is good. I don't like wonky-eyed-lawyer but i think Nick Savronn(or sth like tt) is cute, and damn, all the inmates, i lurve em all mann!! Esp Michael(main character)'s CELLIE! Hahaha. Latino gets me going. I love shows tt make u think!!


Anw, then was the concert, which i'll blog abt and post pics of later.

I'm high!!! Hahaahahaha. Today was a great day!!! =) Wheee~~ And din hafta spend much money mann. Daryl bought all my food for me today (since i was stuck downstairs wit rahrah watching prisonbreak) and just hung at sch. Cabbed down to sch frm home (tong paid first) and shared a cab back wit Hanhui(Teru) coz he wanted to hear my gossip(aka who my new target is... yea he's from sim) so yea I only had to pay like $4 for the cab ride in the end. Hahahaa. Sharing cabs rocks. Thanks teru!!! Hahaha.



I'm high! And no, though i have a new target (and ppl actually approve), I am not gonna get serious about this. Hahahahaha. It's just good to have eye-candy plus crush or sth. Hee.


Crushes make the world a nice place! Hahahahahaahahahaha. Ok i'm certified MAD. =)

haahhas!!

oh man. i just finished YET another layout. Hahas. Oh wells. you guys bear with this one first. I'll leave it up till everyone's screamin for the other one! Heh

The other one can be viewed here, btw.

Cable tv rocks. WLIIA rocks. Pls pls network execs pls bring back WLIIA! =)


Haven't mentioned val in awhile, so HELLO BABE!!

And MICH =)
AND EUNICE=)
AND TONG=) Hee.


Btw, I feel really bad for this. I wanted to wish Wenz happy birthday on Midnight of morn of 25th Nov but fell asleep coz I was sick. Then the whole of 25th Nov I was like, ok must msg her at 12mn tonight. Then dunno what I was doing then forgot!? Then the next day want to msg to apologise then until now still haven't =(

WENZ - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! BELATED!. You now have the license to slap me when u see me. Sigh. Love ya girl =)

newness!

hahas. new layout. at last right. the other layout was killing me. I don't really like this layout very much either but hey! Chad Michael Murray! =)

Enjoy this while it lasts. Haha. CSE exam today guys. Was ok I guess. I kept telling myself to do slowly, not to walk out too early. Hah. Dun stress people out. So I was like totally taking my time. But enjoyed myself during this exam. Quite perverse eh? Haha. I liked the javascript writing bit. Really fun =)



Argh. Can't say the same for the next few papers. Gotta mug mug mug soon! Aye. Pics comin up and, TAG PPL!


On a happier note - we got our cable today! As in, cable tv. Hah. HBO love and TVBS love! Haha. Though I wished we had celestial, starmovies, starmovies chinese too! Oh and the Disney channel and Cartoon Network! Haha. But if I had all these I'd be glued to the tube man. Heh.


PS If you want/don't want your link added, pls tag and say so. Or msn. Whatever =)

aye

cse exam tml... i dun even know what time it is.. aye. and my throat hurts real bad. and i haven't revised for cse yet!! gonna go revise now heh. nth much to report... had a lazy day today=) and anw, had first tuition today after a nice break. hah. ok gtg. throat. hurts.bad.bad.bad.

ps new courses for nx sem are out -- MATHS!?!?!?! grrr

various temptations...

so i was just about to go and sleep when i though, "ah heck, let's just get down to blogging"

y'know, i've never really blogged about what i wanted to properly blog about coz so many things just keep happening. haha. oh wells


mos wit my came ppl was fun! haha. not really what i'm used to coz i'm used to just chiong-ing the dance floor asap and dancing for really really long, while this time we hung around for qt awhile before actually dancing. first we walked around smoove, then the main arena, then went to 21(i think tt's the name) then went to the vip room (i really dunno the name of tt one). haha. tell ya, the stupidest was in the vip room. we were what fuck standing there watching soccer? i was like, dancing there already and people were just hanging around screaming and watching the soccer tt was projected on the wall?! haha. so sorry girls if i kept screaming about wanting to go and dance haha.

then we went for drinks first before they decided to dance. haha. anw, you don't need a blowby. so anw we danced at arena, the place was freaking PACKED!!! PACKED!!! cldn't even move i tell ya. after maddie, zk and their friend darius left, evy and i went to join ann, des, lena and their friends and i tell ya we freaking danced beside the amp all night! freaking vibrations. haha. anw, was great to see ann and des tgt =) they looked really happy dancing tgt and ann was so proud of des. haha yah la des is a good dancer i admit K! haha.

i need to stop dancing the way i do (though it's really damn good exercise lol). hahaha. and i need to stop looking like a lesbian. haha. evy and i danced thigh to thigh, tell ya, damn what la! haha. thigh to thigh as in like, her thigh my thigh her thigh my thigh. wooh. hot sia. haha.

we left earlier than my usual.. (my usual = when the music stops and the lights come on hahaha) at abt 3+ 4, then went to liang court mac's etc. tt's when I felt the effects of mixing liquors. Haha. I know, the drinks were very NOT hardcore but wth I like my drinks sweet la! apricot brandy, galliano coke and bacardis - tt's what we had (bacardi 1-for-1) and i'm ashamed to say, it was the first time i mixed alcohols. my stomach was already queasy in the morning and aftnn then mix liao wah! almost died. lucky nv puke lol. Thanks to whoever it was tt bought us all drinks after tt at macs -- green tea saved my life lol.

i cabbed back to shui's hostel where i was crashing for the night heh. Gotta love my babe shui much =) She's the perfect host ever!
a) offered to lend me like, everything of hers and all the good stuff! like she'd take out her dior addict lipstick (brand spanking new) and lent me her good shampoo and dior bathing stuff and etc etc and all her makeup! shui you're too generous!
b) helped us get into the club through vip when our rather big party of 9 cldn't make it onto des's guest list and the queue was too freaking long by the time we arrived. (even though she wasn't there!!) thanks shui love ya loads!
c) almost gave me her bed to sleep in lol. in the end we shared, heng. if not i'll be so paiseh i'd sleep on the floor and not move until she agreed to sleep in her bed la!
d) tended to my needs kept me company etc even though she was mugging hard for her exam the next day!!!

anyways, by the time we both slept (she was up mugging) it was 730am like tt? haha. so stupid. i was feeling queasy and bad and all haha. Thanks a lot shui i love you so much hehe. Hope i didn't mess up ur room and hope you liked my little (very little) surprise. Heh. And your bed - i really wanted to go wash ur bedsheets de hahaha but then scared later by the time dry i already reach home liao so haha sorry babe.

love ya shui!!!


so anyways, we're going for MILKSHAKE at MOS on 9th December. All of you LOLLYPOP KIDS! BETTER COME!!! I BETTER SEE YOU THERE OR ELSE!!! Wahaha. Seriously if you're comin right, tell me soon hah. Dunno whether later got repeat incident then need to use what guest list again. Wahahaha.

it was always too late

whoa. it's like, time really flies



so yesterday(Tuesday) I took a long walk home through the pouring pouring rain

all I know is tt it was cold
and i got fever again
and I only got scared when the lightning struck.


at one point the lightning struck and i thought it struck me! I know, damn drama. I wish it had, and tt I could have died a quick one.

but stuff doesn't happen like tt.


it was just very cold
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

don't ask me why. i forgot my umbrella, and i didn't have the heart to ask my mom to come out of the safe dry warm house to hand me an umbrella. with her back like tt somemore. anw, i'd been wanting to walk in the rain for a while now. I needed to feel the rain beat down on me, the water trickling down my face, into my eyes, into my mouth, just drenching me through and through.

it felt good in a bad way, like the most forbidden of all temptations. it got cold when the wind blew, tt's all.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

aye, been a bad day today. i crashed again ytd, just crashed. missed ugc ytd... got home and the rain thing crashed me again, so missed esl today. though tt one is a story tt's a whole lot more complicated and i don't wanna talk abt it.

met tong to help her shop for her talentime clothes today. then we went to take neoprints, play arcade and watch movie!! All things i've been craving to do for awhile now and never been able to find someone to indulge me. Thanks tong, you rock =)

Step Up was great =) Y'know, I really love Channing Tatum in tt show. Hot bod and striking looks aside, his laidback and nonchalant look was soo... YUM. Hahaha. The girls were hot too, I think Lucy(in the show) was especially gorgeous and Miles is cute =) Haha. I love all the dance routines and music and all, and am currently poofing the STEP UP OST. Haha. Aye. We shall not talk abt romance. Cupid- get thee away! Singaporean guys are just freaking boring and too damn self-centred. Girls agree? Haha. Tt's why I'm only gonna find my man when I go over to either UK or US. Wheee.

Speaking of Step Up, tml my C.A.M.E girls and I are going to MOS. Haha. Our first time clubbing tgt, wonder how it'll be. Shd be fun =)) Haha. Can't wait to dance after watching Step Up!! We're gonna have ourselves some flings aren't we, single girls? BRING IT ON! Wahaha. Damn, I sound freaking deranged.

Val's comin over tml so we can mug =) Then she's gonna crash psy! Wheees. Haha. I love it when my darls come visit me in sch. Feels like bringing my family around wit me. Love you guys so much.

Arh Ben -- I just KNEW IT! Hahahaha. You so ulu-ated you sure haven't go the National Library yet. Hahahahahas =) Miss ya darl. Let's meet up real real soon! Hahas. I'm super excited to see what u got me!!! Can u just tell me? I'm like dying of curiosity!! Hahas.

Gonna sleepover at evy's tml, so don't count on my blogging on time!
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it was always too late

self-inflicted

dunno why i'm torturing myself like tt







my whole body is crashing. i'm super fatigued. slept just now for an hr and when i woke up, i was so dizzy and felt like puking etc. mann. lack of sleep sucks.


tv was good. antm =) and that ghost show!




today, sorted lots of things out with people. see? we shd always give each other a chance and not jump to conclusions etc. and no, i don't care what ppl i dunno say abt me. i know who's worth caring abt and who's not. so you can take ur gossip abt me and shove it up your humongous arsehole(which, funnily enough, is on your face, right below your wonk of a nose). Hah.


Funny. Anws. Whatevs. I cldn't care less. I know you read my blog. Asking out of politeness only yah. I mean c'mon, yarndink links my blog and u visit her blog, DUH? I may have done badly for As but i'm not dumb=) no offense intended.


Politics suck but hey, i think we all mature through the process. At this stage, all of us are learning new things about ourselves. Jac learnt abt not hating ***, I learnt not to care what ppl say, Val learnt tt she loves trannies. WAHAHAHA Ok i'm kidding abt tt last one. Tong learnt what it's like to like/love someone, Eunice learnt more abt me, i guess


I just need to learn how to keep loving myself! Haha. Funnily enough, this phrase has been thrown all over the blogosphere recently. Fuck gossip. Let's all not give a shit. I don't care when ppl gossip abt u, u dun care when ppl gossip abt me. I will defend u like u asked me to, coz aye, I feel a need to publish the truth(my journalism ideals haha) and i really had nth against u. As for whether you want to defend me, whatev! Haha. There are people who defend me, and then there are people who really defend me.
(Oh and just to make things clear, yes helena, i'm referring toyou lol)


As for the melvin issue. Haha. Wisdomless Kor and I have not talked abt much more. I dunno. Move on, move on, i guess. Have kept moving on and "bury"-ing for 5 years, another 5 years wouldn't hurt. I just wish I'll meet better people.



Oh and giving other people a chance is scary. They take it the wrong way and start assuming you're their girlfriend or sth. Much as I want someone to report to, it's not you. Sorry!




I know the prev entry was very angsty. I mean every word. I don't care what other ppl in general think abt me -- i'm confident that way -- but I know what i am so yea. There is no need to cheer me up or what.

Haha Arh Ben -- strangle what i think is not true. Wahaha. I'll strangle unicorns and fallacies and lots of other stuff man.




Very rambly entry i know. I dunno what I'm doing these days. Zombie-fied! Too effing tired. Oh presentation was ok i guess, i spoke REEEEAAALLY fast as usual. Hahahas. Actually, I was faster than usual. Which got stupid "choo-choo-train" comments from the king of all bengs mr jostian himself. Wtf. Haha.



Oh. And melvin isn't wit her. Kor CONFIRM. haha. Stupid. It's just so odd tt kor can know so much abt how i feel, and i dunno if melvin knows tt kor knows, but whatev, it's weird tt they can be "quite good" friends. WEIRD. Guys are weird. Oh but kor cannot confirm he's not wit anyone else.


Aiyah. One-sided then one-sided lor. What to do. I think a few weeks ago I'd already resigned myself to being one-sided liao. I still feel stupid. I can still see the loser side of him, but I'm freaking painting a nice image of him again! Stupid right! Absence, oh u really make the heart grow fonder.


Blame it on James. JamesBond. Haha. Watched Casiono Royale wit my family on Saturday. Wah freak man the sex/almost-sex scenes... SO HOT!! Wahaha. Though i don't really like Daniel Craig's body(too beefy!!), I tell you, the girls were so freaking hot they made up for it. Oh and we watched it at Vivo GV, after I went to the National Library at Bugis to study. WTF la. I'm super slow. It's my first time there leh! Can u believe it?? FIRST TIME!! Haha but i bet arh ben, you haven't even been there =) haha. So i'm not so loser yet! Wahahahaha. Anw yea so was studying then i actually brought lots of stuff. Heavy stuff! Then i had to walk ard vivo wit my parents and brother and my dad was so irritating! Refused to let me put my stuff down in the car first(coz the car was too far away) Then i had to freaking lug it around! Then at one point i asked him to hold for me while i went to get my hot dog, HE HAD THE HEART TO PASS IT TO MY MOM??? Hello!!! Mom's back isn't even recovered yet lA!!! She still cannot sit down etc!!?!?!?!?!


Damn fed up. But anw, it's all over. Plus he accidentally gave me extra allowance this week so I'm not telling him. Wahahaha. Evil evil.



Paid for Rahrahbangbangboobookiangkiangspreeeeeeyagarypapaya's bday prezzie today lol. Her prezzie from her besties is so gorgeous!!! This really expensive LOTR necklace with the ONE RING hanging from it!!! Damn gorgeous. Haha. It's good to have great friends.


Rahrah! I know u read this. When you do come and visit lol. Hmm, i wanna tell ya tt people can be insensitive/ignorant but they don't mean it, or it wasn't deliberate! I understand the race issue girl =) Try to be less prickly? Hah. Then you'll find tt actually people aren't so bad? Heh. LIKE MEEEE. Hahahaha.


Funny how so many of my close friends hated me at first. Hah. Whenever i think of these people it makes all the backstabbing/gossipping easier to bear. Coz I know these gossipmongers don't know me, just like how my now-close friends didn't know me in the beginning, then when they got to know me they just loved me for who i am =) Wheee~
These people include!! Jac, Tong, Edna, HNL ppl, Mich. I think tt's it? Haha. Other ppl who hated me before becoming my friend right, I can't rmb le. Haha. Bygones, bygones. Funny eh? How first impressions count, but they don't in the long run. Coz what's important is acceptance and open-ness(?).



CAME are gonna drunk ourselves concussed when finals are over. A lot of bad stuff happening for the 4 of us lately, esp in the BGR realm. Haha. Sounds so superficial right. But we're all so suay. Sighs.



I need anti-depressants. Or substance abuse.