take yo broke ass home!

so i wanna blog wanna blog wanna blog.


recently, i've been playing counsillor to so many of my friends.. chatting at the expense of my sleep. before i got down to doing psy proj i was actually talking first to tong (for 2 hours) and then to val (2 hours also..?) so yea... then other ppl (who i can't mention for privacy) etc the next few days... feeling so sleep deprived now

the world's breaking apart
but the world's also getting together
i can jump on the "getting hitched" bandwagon
or jump on the "breaking up" bandwagon
but i don't qualify for either


LOL

so anyways, blog abt today first. Missed UGC again. FARK. DAMMIT! anw.. then went to sch to meet esl project ppl.. Had a great time =) Our proj was super last min tho, so wasn't too good. Eating (yiting!) rocks haha she's so hilarious, cute and nice!! Priya rocks too duh! And Ashton is damn SLAVE DRIVER lol.

I guess i can handle school. Learning not to care so much anymore. Afterall, like jac said, I just haven't gained my foothold.. Once I feel comfortable with my position in school, it'll all be so easy, like back in NJ when i did anything I wanted and no one really cared haha.


So anyways, needa eventblog! Haha. Since the last proper eventblog (from HollowM) till now, some important events include.. Meeting up wit Arh Ben!! Haha Goodness! My dear dear Arh Ben looks mighty fine rockin the Prep look haha. We went shopping for him for an outfit for a play that he was to attend.. I'm damn happy for you ben, that you're building up on the bulk! Hehe. You're growing an impressive CHEST! hahaha! That's good! Now just work on the biceps ya! And funkier hair! Then you'll be perfect!! Hahaha =) *remember you still have to flash me! hahahaha

Oh and yea we actually met up for his BIRTHDAY! Hehe. Hope you had a great one darl! =) Happy 19th Mr Wolf!!! Hehe. Muah muah muah!

Other important events include BBALL Wit my girls!! The no-math gang got together to play bball at NUS and sitong joined us! haha. So nostalgic! I really miss all tt healthy activity we used to have! Hehe. Dinner was great, and we played Asshole Taitee... I love you all so muchos! Heh. Then we left and jac and I talked for reeeeeeaaaaaaaaally long at various places - Clementi MRT, JE Mrt, IMM and I forgot the last place haha. Oh wait. The bus stop! Haha. Yea. Thanks for sorting out my thoughts for me girl. Might I add that that night was a very significant night in my life.. You taught me about self-worth, jac, and I love you for that.

Long complicated story guys, I'll prolly blog abt it soon.


Lots more events to blog abt but will do so another day/time. One thing to note though.. I'd wanted to say this in the beginning but things were getting complicated. Now I'm very clear of how I feel.



REASON FOR MOVING BLOG and basically how I feel now
i've moved my blogs countless number of times already and everytime I move i say it's a new chapter in my life. It sort of holds true most of the time.. This time was no different.. Basically I'd wanted a public blog that I wouldn't mind if anyone i liked/disliked chanced upon... And the main "new chapter" in this case is regarding *drumroll please* ... Well, no prizes for guessing it right. Haha. yea. Him. The catshit, the felinefaeces, the bastard, the jerk, the loser, the asshole, the smartass, the inconsiderate p.o.s. IOW the melvin. haha. The "new chapter" is NOT good news hahaha so don't expect me to go all "Oh we're together!" hahahahahaha . It's not bad news either! It actually IS good news, only that not "good news" that way..

Basically, I'd finally sorted out my thoughts (with a lot of help from jac) and i know now that I like him waay wayy wayyy waaaayyy less than before. Actually when I started this blog, I was very certain that I didn't like him anymore PERIOD. But recent events have shown me that I still do care and after some discussion wit jac, we both agreed that while I still do care about him etc, it definitely is much less than it was before. In fact, I can honestly say now that I don't care. I'm not sure of a lot of things though, and one of them is how long this apathy of mine will last. I don't have the strongest resolve in the world haha.

Certain actions trigger certain responses. When he did that, I just knew it was over. I don't know how he thinks, I don't really care. It was very long in coming but it's over. It's finally over.Whew! I know that I have attained closure of some sort at last. Though I'd wanted it to end on my terms, my terms being the fact that I stopped liking him first (and stopped behaving like a slut w.r.t him), i know it didn't really end that way. And of course, the teensy weensy part of me still bothers about that, but whatev. My friends have shown me that I really shouldn't care. It's so not worth it.


Melv. If you ever read this. I just wanna say: i had so much to say to you, so much to explain, so much I wanted to find out, so much I'd expected. You know the weird questions? Like the one abt religion etc. I wanted to get to know you better, get to know you more. I wanted something that I guess you weren't offering. My actions were fucked up, to say the least. I won't apologise, because there's no use. I literally jumped for joy when you msged me again this April. How stupid right! Haha. And the other guys in my life at that time totally disappeared from my life coz I just couldn't be bothered. However, I'm very clear of my feelings now. I don't love you anymore. Now that I can see you for who you are, without my poor perception of myself and without all the looking back etc. I know I don't like you. It isn't, as my friends have all said, that you're not good enough for me. It's just that the "you" i liked and the real you are slightly different characters. I liked the "you" who was caring(er sort of), humorous, mature and I guess somehow more responsible. The real you, though, is more vain, arrogant and very (as much as i hate to say this) loser.
I still miss the "you" i've come to love over this 5 long years, but it's definitely gone on for too long between us. We keep hurting each other; at least, you keep hurting me, by playing such stupid games all the time. It's been too tedious, too long. I really thought it'd end up different this time, but you've started the whole "ignoring me" thing again, which I don't really see ending in the near future. I wanna talk things out but there is no chance. I wish I could turn back time, to the time in J1 when you sent me that song. I know you can't remember it already anw, but still, if I hadn't been so fucking dense then maybe things would have turned out differently. I know it wouldn't have lasted but we would at least have tried, rather than live this ghost of a story out for so long.
In short, it's just all over, and I wish you all the best. I hope we can talk things out, but I guess you won't want to, so I'll leave it.


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Anyways, I've been reading old chat logs. Haha yea my fave pasttime yea. I've been reading the ones between me and zong. I have a public apology to make. Zong was a pretty good boyfriend. If you ever read this, zong, I'm sorry for being such a bitch. Truly. Though we didn't really get very far, I must admit that I was truly truly happy those few weeks. At least, the 1st 3 weeks =) So it's all over and done with, but I'm so sorry. Likewise, I wish you all the best, and hope you find someone who will make you happy k! =)

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I'm feeling magnanimous. But stupid at the same time. LOL. Alrighty I'm sleepy. It's effing 4am!! I'm so screwed. Haha. Ciao ppl.. Will blog more soon!! =)