these games we play...

so i had a thought


oh wait. before all else: HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAL! Mah homeo mah bestie mah darling BFF valomababe-oh! (try ta pronounce that shizzles)

ok, why all that gangsta talk? omfg i have no idea



so anyways, yea. I had a thought (everyone applaud this rare moment)

So, popularity is so overrated.

I know. What a brilliant thought eh? And i'm supposed to be doing UGC. But I keep getting distracted by friendster.. Haha. It's so.. "Look at meeee!! I have friends!! I have 500 over friends! This validates my existence!" Hahaha

I know, I know.. I happen to be a vapid Friendster user too. I like Friendster coz it helps me connect to ppl i lost contact with. It's also an excellent ice-breaker for new friends. Helps me see the whole "friends in common" thing which is really cool. I love getting testimonials and smiles and messages. Best of all, it helps me spy on people.

Haha. Ah come on. I'm like the most voyeuristic of voyeurs there can be. If you have a blog and you don't .htaccess password it, be sure that I'll have read it lol.

Perhaps tt's why I'm so "omg there are hidden mikes and cams everywhere!" lol. This 6-degree of friendship thing really scares the shit outta me. Can you imagine if I talk about, say, Mickey Mouse on the public bus, then Donald Duck's mom hears it (she happens to be on her way back home from NTUC) and she tells Donald Duck what she heard and Donald then tells Mickey what happened.. WTF La!!

And no guys, I'm not trying to use codenames or anything lol. Just happened to want to use disney names for a bit.


So anws, back to my thought. I know this sounds so superficial of me, but popularity - really so fucking overrated. Why fight to be well liked by everyone, be everyone's friend, to be "cool", create a certain image of yourself that you most certainly are not and live your life a farce? When it truly comes down to it, I think friends who really care for you are the most important. Friends you can click with, have fun with, laugh with, talk to and listen to.

In my school now, I have a kinda dilemma. Not really a dilemma.. Haha I'm just thinking too much as usual. One of my friends is the "i want to know everybody" type.. Another is the quiet "Edeline" type. (Sorry edeline! We just don't like you very much. ahem.) By the "edeline" type I mean quiet, scary, weird, keeps to self (but seeks and delights in attention) and just other pretty erm, not-so-nice attributes. This friend of mine reminded me of Edeline at first, but after talking more to her.. OMG I love her hahaha. She may not be a looker, or a trendy person, or even explosively funny or popular, but in the past few days, I've realized tt I really enjoy her company and she's funny and nice and she is HERSELF.

She. Is. Herself. That's what really makes me appreciate her. She may be the quiet keep to herself type, but that's her. There's no show, no fanfare, no attempt to actively MAKE MORE FRIENDS. Her dressing is plain and that in itself reflects her character. She may seem plain but she is so much more than that. Hats off to Anita B! I know it's like really weird to suddenly talk so much abt her but I think she epitomises the kind of person I want to be.

I wish I were more comfortable in my own skin. I'm not the most confident person in the world.. There are some things I'm confident abt: Public speaking, singing, english, computers(software only!) etc.. But of just about everything else, I'm totally afraid.

I know there have been issues abt my dressing, my makeup etc. I always tell these people to fuck off or fuck themselves, whichever they prefer. I sound angry and diatribe-ish but in truth, I'm usually more affected than I seem. Was talkin to Eunice the other day and even a close friend like her thinks i'm a confident, angry person or sth. That's not me

However, I've been defending myself for so long that I haven't realised what I really felt about myself. I kept thinking that I was feeling good about myself. Only until that significant night in my life when I spoke to jac about a lot of stuff (ok, mainly abt m) that I realised I had some serious issues.

I care too much about what people think about me. And hard as I've tried to work on that, I still find myself caring quite a bit. Thank goodness my self-image doesn't really hang on that anymore. Thanks to (for want of a better adjective)fucking good friends like jac, I am able to validate my existence and stop looking down on myself. Other people don't validate my existence. I validate other people's existences. You are only special if I say so.

And right now, I deem these people special. Jac. Val. Arh Ben. Sitong. Shui(cheer up babe). and the rest of the Lollypop Kids yea.


Alrighty UGC calls. Gtg.