just a bit more..

replied to val's blog. some of the replies are applicable to all of you.




it's just that i've realized how much i keep to myself. and it's not for want of trying to let go. it's that whenever i try to bring something up, other people's problems seem to be so much more important than mine. just because mine is not a bgr problem, people think it's a small problem and just brush over it.

- the relationship between my brother and i is getting from bad to worse and i don't know what i did to deserve all this. as far as i know i've been a good sister - i have no idea what's wrong, and why this is all happening

- i'm stressed out by schoolwork because seriously i am not doing well and i know a lot of it is my fault but the thing is if i don't do well, i get a lot of trouble from my parents who will nag nag nag and scold and threaten to discontinue my studies etc.

i have a lot more personal problems that i just refuse to talk about and what and i know those 2 problems i listed above may seem insignificant or unimportant to a lot of people. but just because my problem isn't a bgr problem, or just because i don't talk about it and lament about it everyday doesn't mean that it's not a serious problem to me. i just push my problems aside and move on with life, so that i can continue being the "carefree" person. no one needs another person's problems to listen to. i'm sure everyone could do without listening to my problems. so i tell them only to people who seem willing, who don't have so many of their own problems

and this excludes you, suyee, tong, shui, and so many other people. all of you are besotted with your own problems. everyone is. and because i seem to be a problem-less person, or because i'm a good listener or what, everyone chooses to turn to me for their probs. and i tend to worry about my friends a bit. so my problems grow, but i won't let it show.


i don't know why. i've only recently discovered that i'm quite a feminist at heart. i like to appear strong. i like to do things that are typically deemed as "male" activities and excel at them. i never realized it but i'm a subconscious feminist. maybe tt's why i act strong all the time. then when the little girl in me, the one that's been suppressed, starts to show, i break down and cry like there's no tomorrow. it's really quite crazy.