self-inflicted

dunno why i'm torturing myself like tt







my whole body is crashing. i'm super fatigued. slept just now for an hr and when i woke up, i was so dizzy and felt like puking etc. mann. lack of sleep sucks.


tv was good. antm =) and that ghost show!




today, sorted lots of things out with people. see? we shd always give each other a chance and not jump to conclusions etc. and no, i don't care what ppl i dunno say abt me. i know who's worth caring abt and who's not. so you can take ur gossip abt me and shove it up your humongous arsehole(which, funnily enough, is on your face, right below your wonk of a nose). Hah.


Funny. Anws. Whatevs. I cldn't care less. I know you read my blog. Asking out of politeness only yah. I mean c'mon, yarndink links my blog and u visit her blog, DUH? I may have done badly for As but i'm not dumb=) no offense intended.


Politics suck but hey, i think we all mature through the process. At this stage, all of us are learning new things about ourselves. Jac learnt abt not hating ***, I learnt not to care what ppl say, Val learnt tt she loves trannies. WAHAHAHA Ok i'm kidding abt tt last one. Tong learnt what it's like to like/love someone, Eunice learnt more abt me, i guess


I just need to learn how to keep loving myself! Haha. Funnily enough, this phrase has been thrown all over the blogosphere recently. Fuck gossip. Let's all not give a shit. I don't care when ppl gossip abt u, u dun care when ppl gossip abt me. I will defend u like u asked me to, coz aye, I feel a need to publish the truth(my journalism ideals haha) and i really had nth against u. As for whether you want to defend me, whatev! Haha. There are people who defend me, and then there are people who really defend me.
(Oh and just to make things clear, yes helena, i'm referring toyou lol)


As for the melvin issue. Haha. Wisdomless Kor and I have not talked abt much more. I dunno. Move on, move on, i guess. Have kept moving on and "bury"-ing for 5 years, another 5 years wouldn't hurt. I just wish I'll meet better people.



Oh and giving other people a chance is scary. They take it the wrong way and start assuming you're their girlfriend or sth. Much as I want someone to report to, it's not you. Sorry!




I know the prev entry was very angsty. I mean every word. I don't care what other ppl in general think abt me -- i'm confident that way -- but I know what i am so yea. There is no need to cheer me up or what.

Haha Arh Ben -- strangle what i think is not true. Wahaha. I'll strangle unicorns and fallacies and lots of other stuff man.




Very rambly entry i know. I dunno what I'm doing these days. Zombie-fied! Too effing tired. Oh presentation was ok i guess, i spoke REEEEAAALLY fast as usual. Hahahas. Actually, I was faster than usual. Which got stupid "choo-choo-train" comments from the king of all bengs mr jostian himself. Wtf. Haha.



Oh. And melvin isn't wit her. Kor CONFIRM. haha. Stupid. It's just so odd tt kor can know so much abt how i feel, and i dunno if melvin knows tt kor knows, but whatev, it's weird tt they can be "quite good" friends. WEIRD. Guys are weird. Oh but kor cannot confirm he's not wit anyone else.


Aiyah. One-sided then one-sided lor. What to do. I think a few weeks ago I'd already resigned myself to being one-sided liao. I still feel stupid. I can still see the loser side of him, but I'm freaking painting a nice image of him again! Stupid right! Absence, oh u really make the heart grow fonder.


Blame it on James. JamesBond. Haha. Watched Casiono Royale wit my family on Saturday. Wah freak man the sex/almost-sex scenes... SO HOT!! Wahaha. Though i don't really like Daniel Craig's body(too beefy!!), I tell you, the girls were so freaking hot they made up for it. Oh and we watched it at Vivo GV, after I went to the National Library at Bugis to study. WTF la. I'm super slow. It's my first time there leh! Can u believe it?? FIRST TIME!! Haha but i bet arh ben, you haven't even been there =) haha. So i'm not so loser yet! Wahahahaha. Anw yea so was studying then i actually brought lots of stuff. Heavy stuff! Then i had to walk ard vivo wit my parents and brother and my dad was so irritating! Refused to let me put my stuff down in the car first(coz the car was too far away) Then i had to freaking lug it around! Then at one point i asked him to hold for me while i went to get my hot dog, HE HAD THE HEART TO PASS IT TO MY MOM??? Hello!!! Mom's back isn't even recovered yet lA!!! She still cannot sit down etc!!?!?!?!?!


Damn fed up. But anw, it's all over. Plus he accidentally gave me extra allowance this week so I'm not telling him. Wahahaha. Evil evil.



Paid for Rahrahbangbangboobookiangkiangspreeeeeeyagarypapaya's bday prezzie today lol. Her prezzie from her besties is so gorgeous!!! This really expensive LOTR necklace with the ONE RING hanging from it!!! Damn gorgeous. Haha. It's good to have great friends.


Rahrah! I know u read this. When you do come and visit lol. Hmm, i wanna tell ya tt people can be insensitive/ignorant but they don't mean it, or it wasn't deliberate! I understand the race issue girl =) Try to be less prickly? Hah. Then you'll find tt actually people aren't so bad? Heh. LIKE MEEEE. Hahahaha.


Funny how so many of my close friends hated me at first. Hah. Whenever i think of these people it makes all the backstabbing/gossipping easier to bear. Coz I know these gossipmongers don't know me, just like how my now-close friends didn't know me in the beginning, then when they got to know me they just loved me for who i am =) Wheee~
These people include!! Jac, Tong, Edna, HNL ppl, Mich. I think tt's it? Haha. Other ppl who hated me before becoming my friend right, I can't rmb le. Haha. Bygones, bygones. Funny eh? How first impressions count, but they don't in the long run. Coz what's important is acceptance and open-ness(?).



CAME are gonna drunk ourselves concussed when finals are over. A lot of bad stuff happening for the 4 of us lately, esp in the BGR realm. Haha. Sounds so superficial right. But we're all so suay. Sighs.



I need anti-depressants. Or substance abuse.